im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
