I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
