I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
