my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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