I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
