that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
