it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
