i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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