you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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