My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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