At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.