Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I fill condoms, not promises.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
