they're staring at me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm getting married
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.