I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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