im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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