hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
