she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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