that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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