Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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