I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
