Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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