so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
