are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
