Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
