Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
