she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
