I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you mean i was at the winter classic?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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