Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
