ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
