you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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