i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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