all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
