Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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