I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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