Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize