he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
