If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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