hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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