yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
