do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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