Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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