ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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