You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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