I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
