if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
