I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
