just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
