Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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