Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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