please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
