so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
