It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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