My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so let's talk penis.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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