ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm getting married
To pizza
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
