He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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