It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
