Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
