Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
