Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
