I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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